October 15th

I've sat down many times to type this up, and I just can't do it.  I don't want it to be a sob fest, and I think if I type everything out from the beginning I will be typing through tears.  I'm just not ready for that yet.   What the heck am I talking about you ask?  This past August (the worst month ever for me) I had a miscarriage.  It was the worst thing I've been through physically, mentally and emotionally.  It's not something you just get over.  It's something I think about every day.  I get sucked into "What ifs" all the time, especially at night when I lay awake for hours on end.  I'd like to think I'm getting better as the days go by, but something random will set me off into a round of tears.  Yesterday was 2 months since we found out our baby's heart wasn't beating anymore...it had been the week before.  I think that's what's most upsetting to me.  I knew our baby's heart was beating and somewhere in a week it stopped.

This month is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness.  So many women go through miscarriages and suffer in silence.  I'm so blessed to have amazing friends and family that continue to help me daily.  Sadly some really important women in my life have gone through miscarriages themselves.  Knowing that they are such strong women after going through something so heartbreaking gives me hope that one day I'll be that strong.  One day.

A little shout out (do people still say this?) to Ian who has been so beyond amazing.  Husband of the year I tell you, because since August he's had to deal with an emotional mess and he's been strong for the both of us.  I'm glad he's the one by my side.

Did you know? October 15th is Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day. 1 in 4 women lose a baby to miscarriage, & 1 in 160 women will experience the stillbirth of their precious baby. EVERYDAY 70 babies in the US will be born silent. 26,000 babies each year. On 10/15, at 7pm in each time zone, candles will be lit creating a wave a light in memory of these children. ( 2 months today since my miscarriage. :(    )

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  1. Oh Jennifer, I'm so sorry. Praying that God gives you the strength you need to get through this. If you ever need another set of ears I'm here. Love you.

  2. I am so sorry to hear this!! I'll keep you in my prayers!

  3. jenn you are so very strong to share your pain in this year. I'm sure its a loss like no other but hopefully your words can being comfort to someone else who's feeling alone.

  4. Anonymous10/15/2014

    Jennifer, as you mentioned it happens more than people know. It has happened to family and coworkers. I pray that God gives you strength and comfort. Thank you for sharing this.

  5. Anonymous10/17/2014

    You and yours are in my prayers.....may you feel Gods love enfold you. Putting words to your grief I know has given comfort to multitudes that they are not isolated. Your truth gives a voice to many who cannot find theirs to speak.

    1. Thank you for your kind words.